COUNTERPOINT
An original romantic serialFrom Alina Adams the author of "When a Man Loves a Woman" (DELL 4/00), "Annie's Wild Ride" (AVON 8/98), "Inside Figure Skating" (METROBOOKS 11/00 & 9/99), "Thieves at Heart" (AVON 12/95) and "The Fictitious Marquis" (AVON 6/95)
Available weekly by e-mail from http://www.AlinaAdams.com
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CHAPTER 23
"Ask him about oh, the demons that live along the outskirts of his conscience, and how they have a nasty tendency to pop up without warning. Ask him about the dark days that stretch into weeks and months when all he wants to do is wound and humiliate anything and anybody he sees. Ask him, Miss Morgan."
Uncertain of how to respond, and more frightened by her threat than she wished to admit, Victoria seized the opportunity to avoid -- or at least put off -- a confrontation, by, out of the corner of her eye, noting that Eve had found the frame Robin cracked earlier, and was now playing with the shards.
Grateful for a reprieve, Victoria pivoted from mother to child and cautioned, "Careful, honey, don't cut yourself."
Nicole peered down at the torn photo of Victoria and Gabriel.
"Who's that?" she snapped. "Your previous conquest?"
"Actually, he's my brother."
Victoria couldn't understand Nicole's reaction to the picture. Robin's wife went totally still, all color draining from her face. She grabbed Eve's arm, flashing Victoria a look more venomous than anything that had come earlier, and stormed out of the apartment.
The subsequent silence proved stifling.
"Well...." Victoria couldn't shake the sensation that she had just been battered by a hurricane.
Robin, immune to comparable scenes, planted both hands on his hips, and shook his head. "That woman," he said, "That woman really makes me want to -- steal her television set."
Victoria turned to face him, both scared and eager to hear his answer to her next question. "Why do you think she came?"
"To terrorize you." He had no doubt about it. "She's done it before. Using Eve, pretending we're this happy family, and you're the intruder who destroyed it. She wants to make you feel guilty."
"Well, she succeeded." Victoria stood behind Robin, rising on her toes, and resting her chin atop his shoulder. "Why didn't you ever tell me about Eve?"
"You knew I had a daughter."
"Yes, but, until this morning, she wasn't real. Now, that I know what a sweet little girl she is, how can I -- "
He sighed. "Can't you see this is exactly what Nicole wants?" Robin turned around. "Just like that speech about my, what did she call them? demons? She thinks she can frighten you away from me."
"Isn't that what you were trying to do last night?"
"No. Last night, I was being straight with you. I wanted you to know what you were getting into with me."
"And what's that?" Victoria tightened her arms around Robin's waist, peering up at him. "What am I getting into with you?"
His eyes danced. He returned Victoria's embrace, pressing her to his chest, and confessed, "I don't know. Last month, last week, hell -- yesterday, if you'd asked me that question, I'd have been full of answers. I'd have said you were in for the erotic ride of your life, a never-ending party, pleasure after pleasure beyond --"
"Okay, okay." She butted his chest playfully with her head. "Remind me never to challenge you to a self-confidence contest."
Robin stroked Victoria's hair, cradling her head in his palm. "That was yesterday. Today, I haven't the slightest idea what we are getting into. You're different, Victoria. I've never met anyone like you and that means I haven't got any glib answers or over-rehearsed pickup lines to fall back on. All I know is, when I'm with you, those demons Nicole mentioned feel boundlessly far away, like somebody else's bad dream. Don't get me wrong, now, I'm still a bastard -- I'd say a son-of-a-bitch, except I refuse to insult my mother that way. I'm not a nice guy, I have never been a nice guy. The strange thing is though, Victoria, when I get around you, I'm periodically struck with this unfamiliar urge... to become one."
She'd seen him nearly every day since that first afternoon in the parking garage. Gabriel took her and Eve to the beach, to the park, to the zoo -- after which Nicole passed nights lying awake, trying to figure out his angle, until, exhausted, she crumbled and accepted that, just maybe, he was telling the truth when he swore he came to visit her and Eve because he enjoyed their company.
They were always chaperoned by Eve, so Nicole couldn't invoke impropriety as an excuse to keep her distance from him, and, after a week, her protests became largely ceremonial. She found herself looking forward to Gabriel's visits. He was sweet. He was funny. He was generous -- especially in light of the finances she knew he didn't have. And, most important, while Eve ran from the monkey's cage to the alligator pool, Gabriel walked a few steps behind, and quietly listened to every word Nicole said.
She was telling him about how excruciating her pregnancy had been, how she'd felt sick from morning till night, from the first day to the last, to the point where she actually lost weight rather than gaining it, and of how, by the time she went into labor, she'd felt so decimated by it all that she'd simply curled up on her bed, willing herself to die and stop the misery.
"The doctor said he'd never had a patient in labor who fought her progress so hard. But, by then, I'd changed my mind. I didn't care how much money she was worth, I just didn't want a baby."
She expected him to tell her what a horrible monster she was. How could any woman not want her own infant? She prepared herself for his attack, just as Nicole constantly braced for the day when he would finally realize how rotten she was and take off for good.
But, instead of condemning, Gabriel patted Nicole's hand and told her, "Many women feel totally overwhelmed at the last minute. It doesn't mean anything, it's just the pain talking."
He thought he was reassuring her, but Gabriel's message only made Nicole feel more guilty, and so she masochistically inquired, "You don't think it's unnatural, though, not wanting your baby? I mean, not wanting one at all, not just at the last minute."
Gabriel shrugged. "If I had my way, every baby born would be a wanted baby. I see so much in my clinic. Kids getting the crap beat out of them by their parents, girls ripping themselves in half with knitting needles and broom handles and anything else they can get their desperate hands on. Every child," he repeated with near-religious fervor. "Should be a wanted a child.
If there's a creed I believe in with all my heart, it's that. And I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is." Realizing he'd articulated more than he'd meant to, Gabriel abruptly looked away, reluctant to continue.
Nicole hoped that he would. Not because she was particularly interested in his divulgence, although his assertion that there was nothing wrong with not wanting a child did make her feel a fraction better about herself. But because she ached for a sign that, after everything she'd confessed to him over the past few weeks, Gabriel now, at least, believed he could trust her as much as she did him.
He appeared to comprehend as much, and, despite the sensitive nature of his disclosure, finally continued, more for her peace of mind than his, "When I was in medical school, abortions were still illegal. But, this professor of mine let me in on a secret. If he had a patient who needed any procedure -- not just abortions, anything -- that, for whatever reason, couldn't be performed, he'd do it regardless. And call it something else in his records."
"Isn't that illegal?" Nicole asked, confused.
"Yes. But, as far as I'm concerned, it's moral. Now that I run my own practice, I remember what he taught me. If my patients need a procedure that I think is vital, but they can't afford it, or maybe, it's a drug the law prohibits, or their insurance won't cover it -- I do it regardless."
"And call it something else?"
"Yes." He nodded fervently. "I took an oath to save lives. I have to do whatever is required, no matter what the price. The people who come to me, they're in such desperate straits to begin with, least I can do is -- hell, if you don't want a child, by all means, don't have one. Just don't mutilate yourself, and don't let poverty force you into having a kid you'll only end up bouncing off the walls before you dump them in a garbage can to die."
He'd turned his face away from her as he spat out that closing part, so Nicole could see neither his eyes nor his expression. All she heard was the bitterness in his voice. And something else. A longing, a sadness. The recognition amazed her, because, frankly, Nicole had never been what you'd call a sensitive person.
So why then, did her unexpected suspicion that there was more to Dr. Gabriel Scott than the sunny front he insisted on showing her and Eve, prompt Nicole's heart to constrict, ever so slightly, with a missed beat? Why did it make her yearn to rest her arm in the crook of his elbow and make him turn around so she could brush her fingers against his cheek and caress his face until the sadness that she somehow knew was buried deep down left his eyes for good.
"Gabriel," she whispered, unsure of what she intended to say next. When he turned, Nicole felt herself struck anew by just how blue his eyes were, and by how soft his mouth seemed, how inviting.
Why was she hesitating? Why was she acting like some bashful virgin, instead of like a woman whose past totaled so many men, she and Robin once stayed up trying to count them all, and fell asleep before the list was complete. Gabriel, after all, was just another man. And it had been so, so long since Robin had touched her.
But, even as a part of her mind told Nicole her feelings meant nothing beyond a physical hunger gone too long unattended, she knew that it was more than that. That she didn't merely want Gabriel to satisfy her. She wanted him to improve her, to pass his gentleness and his kindness and his goodness on to her, to enrich her, to make her whole. And, in return, she wanted to reassure and hearten him, as he so often did her. For the first time in a long while, Nicole didn't just want to take. She was also aching to give.